I was reminded that it’s ok not to be ok. Sometimes I’m up and sometimes I’m down, and that’s just how life works. With everything that I’ve been doing, everything that I’ve been shedding, and all that I’m becoming… well, it’s a lot. Of course, I’m going to be full of emotion, whether those are happy emotions, sad, or anything in between. This is me living my human experience and I’m allowing myself to go with the flow, one day at a time, even though that can be a difficult task at times. The second to last week of November was the most difficult for me. That was when I finally felt the urge to cry, and allowed sadness and self-doubt to set in. I knew that these emotions weren’t just something that I could ignore and box up for later, they had to be felt right then and there. That was a long few days but alas, I’m happy that I allowed myself to sit, sort, and process what I was feeling because now I feel so much better
I love that I am getting out of my own way. I’ve been challenging myself and have been seeing amazing results. Recently I went to a paint and sip because I wanted to find joy in painting, which has always been a stressful activity for me. I truly enjoyed myself and allowed myself to just be, and the turnout was fantastic. I started a YouTube channel (@myvenussoul) because I’ve finally gotten over my fear and discomfort of recording and posting myself, and I’m honestly enjoying myself. Not being my own blockage is a fantastic feeling and I’m going to continue this path for the rest of my life.
I’m learning the importance of creating for myself while I monetize my interests, especially my art. People around me have suggested that I sell my art for as long as I can remember but I was always hesitant because I didn’t want to lose the passion that I have for creating. Lately I’ve been creating beautiful art for myself and for my loved ones, and it has felt so good. It keeps that spark going, and that makes me so happy.
TW: Animal death
A traumatic event that recently happened has reminded me about one of my life’s purposes, which is to be of service to animals. Many animals have crossed my path over the years, and it’s always been for a specific reason, either to rescue them or to be there for them while they pass. This has happened more times that I can remember, probably because after a certain point my mind has to block them out because not every experience has been pleasant or something that I’d like to hold onto. Two recent experiences have definitely scarred me, one which was Quinn, the kitten that I had in my care for a week, and the second was a white fluffy dog that I saw run through the neighborhood daily. Quinn’s passing was the hardest because I became so attached to her. I knew that I couldn’t keep her, but I didn’t want her to pass in the manner that she did. She was a tiny baby that was sick from the start. We bonded instantly and I changed my entire routine to make sure that I could provide her with the life that she deserved. I did everything in my power to save her, but unfortunately that’s not aways enough. In a way, maybe I did save her by being there for her in a way that she had never experienced. I’ll never forget her. The little white dog was a different story. I wasn’t familiar with him aside from a few sightings but that didn’t make him any less deserving of a good life or my help. I was sitting on my couch when I heard a sound that I couldn’t ignore and before I knew it my legs were moving faster than my brain. I found myself in the middle of the street wanting to cry, but instead me and another onlooker directed cars around him. We carried him into my yard and did everything that we could to call for help on our phones but again, it wasn’t enough to save him. We wrapped him up in a floral cloth and I wrote out a note in hopes that the owner would see it the following day. It hurts my heart, but I was put on this earth to help animals transition in a the most peaceful and loving way that is possible, even though to me, it may never feel like enough.
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