Lost & Found

An important yet difficult lesson that I'm learning right now is to lean on my community. I've always been deemed as the "strong friend" and because of it everyone always believed that I never needed the same love and care that other's received, and looking back, it really sucked. This caused me to become very apprehensive about opening up and asking for help because I felt like I wouldn't be well received or would be looked down on. I'm beginning to realize that I still carry some of those same fears with me now, during a time when I do need to be poured into. I've been disabled for a long time but I'm just now starting to accept it as my reality. People spent so much time telling me that I was ok that I guess at some point I internalized it and started doing my best to "be normal" and "function like everyone else" when what I really needed was someone to listen to my pleas. The feeling of needing help and not receiving it even during the few times that I did ask put a world of weight on my shoulders but I don't have to continue carrying that weight alone anymore. I found my community. I found my precious people. I found everything that I was looking for and now I need to learn that it's ok to let them in. I'm safe to do so. I've always been someone who does for others and right now, a lesson that I'm learning is how to let others do the same for me. This has been a rollercoaster of a ride but I'm happy that I made it here. I'm so grateful for my loved ones and I'm grateful for myself for continuing on even when the ground under me is shaking. My journey to becoming my own best friend has been a success.