What does feeling safe with someone really mean? How do you identify when you feel safe with someone vs when you feel unsafe? What about valued vs undervalued? Or respected vs disrespected? I've been thinking about this since this morning after seeing a post online. I'm sure that many of us can agree that there have been time's where we felt safe with someone that wasn't safe for us. We stayed around someone that disrespected or undervalued us because "That's not them" or "They didn't mean it that way". All of those time's that we as humans allowed someone to disregard and stomp on our feelings, and yet still we remained with them. Keep in mind that this doesn't have to mean romantic connections, it also includes family based relationships, friendships, etc.
I titled this blog "Broken Glass, Altered Reality" because sometimes we're so blinded in the moment that it takes a situation ending for us to realize how bad it was. Think of a broken mirror with it's shards scattered. The reflection that you're now seeing is completely different from what it was before the mirror broke. My process for dealing with these sorts of situations is realize, re-evaluate, release, and redirect. I let a lot slide in the past because I didn't want to see people for what they were showing me, and most of the time they were showing me literal shit. I have the power to transform shit into gold, if I try hard enough (that's quite the superpower). The hardest part of these endings was that I had to accept the fact that I played a large and harmful role in these situations by continuing on and not listening to my gut. All the flags were red, but I saw pink. The sign said stop, but I read go. The sky opened up and told me no, but I suddenly couldn't hear. You get the point. It took time, and by time, I mean, a lot of time, but once I closed the door on these connections they were closed for good. It took me taking everything at face value. No more illusions. No more sprucing shit up or being the clean up crew. I'm done disrespecting myself. For years I continued to attract people that undervalued and disprespected me, and I've come to terms with the fact that it was happening because I didn't value or respect me. I didn't feel safe with me. That was another healing journey of mine, and I'm of course still healing through it. Taking it one day at a time.
Life is full of twists and turns. Hills and drops. Clear skies and some raindrops. In the past I would've been upset at myself for all of these mishaps, but why should I? I've learned from my experiences and I've grown into a wonderful woman thanks to my willingness to learn and grow. This is a pity party anymore. My birthday is in a few day's and I will honestly say that I have lived up to everything that I wanted to grow up to be. My inner child thinks I'm the coolest and that's the only life validation that I need.
Life Advice:
You can do it. It is possible. Don't count yourself out.
Learn from your mistakes, rather than shaming yourself for them.
You don't need them and you will be able to live without them. It takes time, but it is possible.
Believe what they show you. Pay attention to how you feel around them and to how you feel when they're not around.
Not all connections are meant to last forever. Some people are for seasons.
There is better out there for you. This is not as good as it's going to get.
Your 20's are not the end. You have so much life to live. Don't spend your time neglecting your wants and needs. This is the time to learn to be about self. Build that sturdy foundation for your future self. You'll thank you later!
Yes, it is harder said than done, and it really takes work. Don't count yourself out or settle just because it's hard. Many aspects of life are going to be hard and you can't back away from them all, some things need to be faced head on.
It is ok not to keep up with the crowd around you.
Learn yourself.
Settling for less is always going to get you less, not more.
Factor yourself into the equation.
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