You know what I used to be in love with? The bare minimum. What is the bare minimum for me? Someone acknowledging my existence. Someone being kind to me for a hot minute. Someone respecting me and speaking to me with sense. That is all the bare minimum. I've lived a life so deprived of basic respect and consideration that the bare minimum because the standard, and that became an issue. Basically I was starved for attention, so I was willing take take up anything or anyone that showed me even a drop of effection (my mom issues were showing.) I used to get overjoyed when someone that was ignoring me finally decided to acknowledge my existence, because that showed me that they care, but no, them ignoring me showed me exactly what needed to be seen. I guess you can say that I've been scarred by my past and right now I'm unlearning all of the harmful lessons that have been weighing me down. I do not give the bare minimum, so I am not accepting of the bare minimum. Show up or show yourself to the door. So, you may wonder how I've been working through my issues. Well, that has required a thorough trip through the past; my experiences, encounters, and the energies that I used to allow so close into my space. I've had past people on my mind a lot, but not in a *I miss them* type of way, but in a *Woah. What the hell was I thinking?!* type of way. From family to friendships, and everyone in between. Sometimes I get mad, sometimes I get sad, and that's alright, because at the end of the day I'm working to better myself. I've been crying, hurting, and feeling everything since I started this process of emotional purging. For awhile I didn't even feel like myself, but it's because who I knew and who I was *comfortable* with being no longer exists. I'm no longer the person to let stuff slide or continuously give out chances to the undeserving. I barely recognize myself now and that's honestly such a good thing. From being trampled over to standing on my own two feet has been exciting and scary; definitely something completely unexpected. I love it. I feel like a baby taking it's first steps. You might be wondering if I hold any anger or ill will towards those past situations and people and my answer is honestly: no. While those situations were terrible and many people do suck, I still have to accept the role that I played. I'm not shaming myself for my mistakes because you have to know better to do better, but I still must hold myself accountable. Through accountability comes growth. I also don't have space to hold negative feelings towards these situations/people, because this space is for me; it's for good and uplifting feelings, not past situations that used to bring me down and stress me out. All in all, raising my standards has worked wonders and I'm honestly shocked at my new reality. There are kind and genuine people out there, and finding my way to them is so much more efficient now that I honor, respect, and enforce my boundaries. I also want to take a moment to highlight all of the lovely people in my life that make every day worth living. To the people that laugh with me, cry with me, trust me with their secrets, clash with me and then come back to have a productive conversation about it: y'all, I love you. Thank you for existing. Thank you for shining your light on me and raining down your love upon me. Thank you for redefining what love and family mean to me. Lessons that I've picked up: ▪︎This journey is work and there is no easy way out. The only way out is through. ▪︎FEEL your emotions. Don't push them off to the side and leave them to collect dust. ▪︎Learn to understand what the bare minimum means to you and stop accepting that as the standard of life. There is better out there for you, if you're willing to venture out of your *comfort zone*.
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