This month was full of lessons, breakthroughs, and enjoyment that I haven’t felt in years. I usually only love August because it’s my birthday month but this year, I love it just cause. It was so nice seeing new and old faces during my adventures outside of my house. Was I still anxious and panicky? Absolutely, but people were honestly so accommodating and kind that it made things a little easier. My medication hasn’t eliminated what I experience in my day to day life, but it has made life more manageable. Now that I’m not having panic attacks all day long, I’m actually able to enjoy life and remember why I loved being alive in the first place, something I had long forgotten. If you’ve dealt with deep depression or MDD, maybe you’ll understand what I mean on a personal level. I finally feel like I can breathe again but the tides are still there ready to pull me back in unless I continue to be willing to put my fears to the side and learn to swim rather than sink.
This month, I re-learned how to trust the process and in new ways. I didn’t know how anything would go or how it would work out, but it did, and in my favor, too. I haven’t been as happy as I was this month in a long time. I’m so thankful for my family, soul family, friends, and my very loved acquaintances for reminding me of how good life can be. Being showered with love and care was uncomfortable at times but I’m learning to allow people to care for me and nurture me. Being an endless well of love can be draining when you don’t allow any love to come back in from others. I would describe myself as someone who gives love but doesn’t necessarily like to receive it because it makes me feel strange, but I don’t want to be that person anymore and if you know me, then you know that once I set out to do something, I’m going to do it. Thank you to all my loved ones for loving me, spending time with me, and forever being patient with me because when it comes to making plans and actually following through, I’m slow like molasses but that’s a battle that I’m fighting to conquer, as well. This has been a wonderful birthday month and I’m excited to see what life has in store for me<3
MVS Updates:
Read this week’s messages here for free.
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