Never in my life have I been a little less appreciative of spring. No, it's not because of the sun being out or the visible beautiful changes happening, rather, it's because of my budding allergies. Every year, my allergies get a little worse and this year did not come to play. It makes stopping and smelling the flowers more difficult because I can't breathe but it won't stop me, just like some of life’s experiences won’t stop me either. My long drawn out depressive episode has been washed away now that the sun is out and because of that, I won't let anything stand in my way. I've been less active on my website as I took the time to tend to my delicate self. I limited the work that I wanted to do and shifted to working on my internal self. My mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health and wellbeing were my main priority and I'm happy to say that I've made a lot of progress. The winter season was my downtime; my season for hibernation that felt disruptive the more I tried to fight it. That was not a battle that I was meant to win because the objective was always to surrender and not fight. My spiritual journey is an endless cycle of learning to release what I know and being open to accepting what I'm uncomfortable with. Spirituality is the best friend that I've always imagined and dreamed about. One that has my best interest at heart and isn't afraid to tell me how it is even when I don't want to listen and admit that I'm wrong. I can be stubborn when I'm determined to achieve something and sometimes, I need help with my aim. Sometimes, I'm a little off target and that's ok. Everything is a learning experience for me, and I personally love to learn. In one of my first ever blog posts on my website, I discussed how spirituality saved my life and that statement still reigns true till this day. I'll say it once, and I'll say it again, spirituality is not some easy peasy bubblegum experience where you get everything you want when you want it. Don't let the internet fool you. You get provided with the tools to build but you have to learn to use the tools. You have to invest in the time to learn, to build, and to create, and you have to be willing to listen. Sometimes, you even have to start over from scratch and be willing to trust that the divine has something better in store for you. Watching structures that you've invested into fall apart can be hurtful and even heartbreaking, but you just keep trusting. Structures aren't always inanimate, sometimes they're people; their family and friends that you now know are not aligned with you as a person. Imagine having the closest person to you stripped away like old paint is being stripped from the walls of a house that is being remodeled. It's sudden and may look unfamiliar, but in the end, there's so much beauty to be seen and discovered. The sights that you'll be able to see might not have been seen if those structures hadn't fallen. Starting over isn't always a bad thing but that doesn't mean that it won't hurt or disrupt you in some way, shape, or form. People from the outside looking in may think that this process looks easy, and they've been forgotten about in the blink of an eye, but they can't see the wounds and scars that were left from their departure. Healing takes time and for me, my healing journey isn't always for the world to see or experience with me. Much of my life is private. The caverns of my inner world are for me and only me, and from time to time, I may share a fragment or two. One of my life purposes is to help others heal and discover themselves but that also means learning to prioritize own healing. It means learning to better balance my life, which is what I've been doing since October. I'm not going to lie, a part of me wanted to quit everything, including putting My Venus Soul to rest, while the other part didn't want to give up on everything that has brought me more joy than I could've ever imagined. I'm learning not to make decisions when I'm in the middle of drowning and that's why I've decided to keep going and to keep pursuing my dreams. I wrote the blog post on a whim, literally as soon as I woke up because I felt these words bubbling up inside of me looking for a way to escape. So, here I am, releasing my inner thoughts and emotions, which I've learned is really brave of me. If you've made it this far, thank you for reading. Happy spring. May the season change be good to you and may you be good to it.
If you'd like you watch a video about some of my recent experiences, I recommend watching the video below. If you enjoy topics like these, subscribe to my channel because there is much more on the way.
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