One of my goals for this year was to redefine certain aspects of my life that were still stuck in the past. It was time for an upgrade… an overdue upgrade, at that. This blog is about connection and friendship. What does it mean to be a friend or to have friends? How do I differentiate between friendship and other forms of connection? Those questions have been cycling through my mind and I’m honestly still figuring everything out, and as I always say, one step at a time. The last four years have shown me the error of my ways and have helped me adjust as necessary. This meant releasing what I knew and making room for what I now know. Much of what made sense in the past no longer has space in my life currently or in the future. Some parts of life are for seasons, not eternity and I’ve made peace with that. There’s no use trying to hold onto things that can’t be kept or that aren’t meant to be. This next chapter in my life requires me to be honest, accountable, and focused, and that’s exactly what I’m doing. Anything that takes me out of that mode no longer belongs.
Lately I’ve been feeling like I’ve been shedding, like how a snake sheds it’s skin. PSA: There is no snake slander allowed here. Snakes are cool! Carrying on. I’ve been questioning what I know, what I’m comfortable with, and have been challenging myself because I’m ready to progress. I’ve expressed this before but matters of the heart are where I trip up the most, and that includes friendship, as well. At first, I couldn’t figure out why that was or why these cycles kept repeating, but now I know. Never in my life had I defined what friendship meant to me, which made becoming my friend a very easy process... because there was no process at all. Basically, if we vibed, then we could be friends, but that doesn’t align with me anymore. I want to get to know a person, have time to sit with my feelings about them, and then maybe one day we could be friends, but that doesn’t have to be a thought off bat. Some people I’m not compatible with to the point that I can consider them as friends and there’s nothing wrong with being acquaintances or being nothing at all. This is something that I’ve had to come to terms with, because no matter how much I love someone it doesn’t automatically make us compatible. We may have chemistry and good times, but that’s not foundational enough to maintain a healthy friendship or connection. For all the people that I don’t align with, there’s no drama between us, but I know where I stand and I’m going to stand firm on that because I didn’t do all this self-work for nothing. If something isn’t working, then I must adjust and move accordingly. I have no more time for excuses, for myself or anyone else and that is really what will propel me to where I'm headed. Releasing what no longer serves me or what is too heavy to hold is making all the difference.
So, you must be wondering what friendship means to me. Friendship means compatibility, mutual respect and understanding, presence, and the awareness to understand that friendship often requires change and growth. Not everyone is meant to grow together, some are meant to grow apart, and that’s why I try my best to be present when I am in the presence of my loved ones. Tomorrow is never promised, so I always want to make the most of today. I can no longer pretend to thrive in spaces where I don’t belong. I wanted to feel accepted and loved by everyone until I started accepting and loving myself. Getting to this point took me taking more time to get to know myself, which included my likes, dislikes, and dealbreakers. I’ve changed so much that it’s natural that I wouldn’t have the same preferences or ideals as before. Before this it was like I was running on the same system as an outdated computer, just waiting to be brought back to life, and the wait is officially over. I have now begun to new things, venture into new spaces, and put my faith into the unknown. So far, so good. I’m proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone and trying new things.
Important Lessons That I’ve Learned:
Not everyone is your friend and it’s important that you learn to understand and differentiate the various forms of connection that exist.
Compatibility and chemistry are not the same.
Appreciate people while they’re in your life because tomorrow is never promised.
Accountability goes both ways.
Quality over quantity.
Being friends with someone for a long time does not automatically equate to a healthy connection.
You shouldn’t have to over explain yourself to get someone to understand why a boundary exists or why you don’t like something.
Respect is not optional. You cannot opt out of respect.
Business Updates:
The Pay It Forward Challenge 2022 is live on Instagram. This challenge is brought to you by Ariana (@myvenussoul), Dionne (@stroseoflondon), and Shauney (@theuniversoulhealer_). The challenge was created to encourage others to give back or lend a helping hand to someone in need and in return we will be giving back to participants. If you’re interested, more information is below.
If you missed the December month ahead messages, they are on *The Cove* tab on my website. This is a member only section where I post free messages and specials. Tomorrow I’m posting love messages for all 12 signs, so be sure to join in.
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